I am about to bump into the first year anniversary of founding my company. Well, the official one on paper, which is important here in Switzerland: jallé GmbH was listed in the Handelsregister on December 20, 2005.
Really, I’ve bumped into memories of the emotional stress I went through last year when implementing this new direction. Although months earlier I heard my inner voice say I truly wanted to start my own business, I spent a while doing the intellectual homework of trying to talk myself out of it or make it feel more safe. Financial plans. Action plans. First marketing plans.
But the truth was that only the financial plan made an impact on my thinking. And that impact was only to consider how to work around all options of surviving personally through various scenarios of how the business might develop.
So really, the decision was made.
I know the real decisions that strike my soul because they are the ones that I make absolutely, solely on my own in private reflection. After some period of considering options, I withdraw from all conversation about it. And then I somehow decide. I did this when accepting my first job that required me to move away from my family’s home town, when getting a divorce, when moving both the first and second times to Europe, and when deciding I really wanted to try to build a business of my own imagining.
I usually take the first few steps on my own, as well, before telling anyone who isn’t involved in those steps. It seems to be my way to ensure I’m committed to my own path and action before talking about it with people who will ask 600 questions.
And it’s that first step in implementing my new plan that always seems most scary. Take for example the day last December when I resigned my job. I remember hanging up the phone after talking with my manager and plunging into a deep, dark, mental hole. What had I done? Had I lost my perspective? Was I so ungrateful for the good things I had already in my life such that I needed to throw it all away (again) on some dream?
I took a jog, drank a glass of wine, wrote a little about it in my journal and slept 7 hours. The world felt better in the morning. And then I could talk with others again.
There are always the next few adrenaline days when I learn if you made a good decision for me. If the instinctive relief of having “got on with things” follows, I know am on the right track. A good friend reminded me this week what she remembered about those days last year. She said, “You felt less stress, lighter and happier immediately.”
The first months that follow my new path always include creating updated action lists every 30 days or so. I’ve learned that this stage of action planning is usually more valuable as an exercise to structure away the stress when my mind starts to think too far ahead than as a process to follow a rigorously executed plan.
Normally, my early action plans have two big, related flaws:
1. I put everything on a timeline that is twice as fast as possible to achieve, and
2. I try to put every little step in the action plan that possibly needs to be done.
Shouldn't I know by now that people can only focus on the next 2 or 3 most important things? That's why I think it is an emotional process.
The prioritization does help, but I experienced this year my fair share of days when my energy was interrupted by not knowing what will result from my new actions. It’s a leap of faith that requires some emotional discipline here and there. (I’ll write more about this later.)
Fortunately, it has equally often proven true for me that about 6 months into the new path, I finally get the feeling for it. I sense the real flow of action and connection with my true vision. I seem to need to let go of the old and try a few ways with the new before it settles in and finds its own rhythm. If I have to heal physically or emotionally (which I thankfully did not need this year), it takes longer.
I’ve learned that, for my personality and approach, if I get the flow in about 6 months or so, I’m on track. If not, perhaps I need to look more broadly at the context. The latter has happened a couple of times, but more often I get the flow.
It’s a good question if my new business has “settled-in” to my path now almost a year later. I’ve accepted the stresses that exist – financial, feeling that I am the sole driver of action and results, continuing to watch my work-a-holic tendencies in the new role of entrepreneur. And it is way too early to declare success, even with little signs of it here and there.
So at best, I’m happy that – in one year – I have started something new. One year for the “start!” It fills me with energy, brings big ups & downs, and begins to give me the sense that others will want to participate. And I can still say I have been willing to try the things my soul found most deeply compelling.
I will celebrate this big first year in an appropriately big way…by taking my one and only shareholder to lunch! J
The most fantastic part of starting my own business is the thrill of getting a check from someone that I have done work for. It is direct feedback that my efforts were valued. The continual requesting of my services is additional feedback that I am offering customers value.
It is hard to imagine going back to being an employee again because the direct connection to value would be lost.
I also noticed that with my company, work no longer feels separate from my life, it is an integral part of my dialy life. Maybe it is because we are doing the things we love to do (and therefore truly living?)
Congratulations on making it to the first year anniversary of your business!
Posted by: Terry O'Brien | December 13, 2006 at 03:06 PM
Congratulations!
What an achievement - your first solo year has flown past! I feel proud to have shared a tiny part of your journey so far and as your self nominated "blog guru" I feel it is appropriate to be your first "commenter" - hopefully this is the first of many.....
Congratulations again and have a wonderful celebration - you deserve it!
Posted by: Helen Palmer | December 13, 2006 at 02:28 PM