jalléCafe

Example Blog for Finding Your Voice

The example blog that got me started -- and my blog-mentor Helen -- can be found via LiveJournal:  Nice Cup of Tea demonstrates one woman's way of finding her Voice, which I much-admire.

It could be a great tool for creating a support group when you are trying to make a change because it creates a network of more intimate readers and makes it easy to give a cheer or a quick comment.

I looked at LiveJournal when considering my blog hosting service.  LiveJournal makes it easy and interesting in a daily diary-like style (which is what a lot of blogs are for).  I finally chose Typepad, which has also business blogs, because I was not primarily looking for a journal tool.  Helen's approach to her blog gives an excellent example of how to make  an on-line journal work in a way that is personal and real, but refrains from becoming The Diary of Bridget Jones. 

Loud Silence

NOTE:  I'm moving this one from last month back to the top of the blog for a while because Mom and Mr. Ness seem to have something to say.  Not sure who will prevail -- Mom was married more than 40 years, Mr. Ness just a wee little 15 so far (smile)!  See the comments and decide for yourself...

A few weeks ago, I asked a male mentor and friend -- hereafter to be known on my blog as Mr. Ness -- his opinion of a "boyfriend" who said he would come by at a certain time and then didn't do it or call to say otherwise.  Mr. Ness said sometimes men will forget.  Accept it.  "And don't go interpreting it as you being unimportant! I hate it when women think they can read my emotions based on some behavior that doesn't fit their idea of a perfect relationship."  (The guy has been married 15 years and still feels this way!)  "You should look at the larger context of his actions.  Is it just about little stuff or priorities?"

He meant that I should not try to guess motives.  This perspective helped.  We sometimes communicate a lot without words...and don't even know it.

I grew-up with three brothers; so anyway, I came to suspect that men and women have different ideas about what defines "communicating."  For example, when my parents said "Don't do that!" I heard "Don't do it at the risk of experiencing severe disappointment expressed by parents and perhaps being stuck in your room for some time."  My brothers heard, "Find a more creative way to make it happen such that you won't get caught or they'll laugh so hard they forget to punish you."  I asked one of my brothers once about something (not so big but to me emotional) I always remembered from our childhood.  "Didn't it bother you when Dad said...?" I asked.  My brother said, "Nah, I never took it seriously."  Same parents; same house; totally different realities. 

Of course, I also thought men & women had different ideas about who should replace the roll of toilet paper when they used the last piece -- until I discovered last year in an office of women that someone would STILL leave the empty cardboard hanging.

I leave learning this for another day!

If it's hot chocolate you want...

Helen Palmer noted in a comment about The Juice Market that her favorite hot chocolate was at Cafe Shober (that's the name most of us in Zurich know; actually the owner Teuscher Chocolates just changed the name to Cafe Felix AND added a second location at Bahnofstrasse 104 ).

OK.  I will try that. 

My favorite up to now is the Cafe & Bar at Confiserie Spruengli. Paradeplatz.  I especially like stopping by the small downstairs cafe for a hot chocolate before work.  (No not every day as tempted!)  Then you see mostly the locals like me just for some minutes. It's quiet. A few people sit around reading a newspaper. A couple of men talk together. Often there's a dog at someone's feet.  The waitresses are relaxed and wish you a good morning.  Later, the tourists set in...fortunately, the hot chocolate always tastes good.

It started with feverish stress...

I woke up early this morning.  Decided to go into the office, as I had a number of things on my mind to clear.  By working a few hours, perhaps I could relax better the rest of the weekend? 

Even with a cold and feeling feverish (often a symptom of my stress), I felt compelled to go out the door even 15 minutes earlier than I would on a normal work day.

I was rewarded with this view as I drove across the bridge at Lake Zurich. Had to stop and get out my camera.  Had to stop and watch, period. The mountains. The pink sky. The stillness about to be broken.

I read once when I was trying to learn to manage stress that a person should watch sunrises and sunsets to feel the earth's natural cycles.  To be reminded to be still and let the world turn. Then you can hear an inner voice and follow it (the spirit within, I've heard said) - even when at first you don't know why.

(And yes, I really only worked a few hours...and now have my weekend. I put this photo in my PC wallpaper to remind me every morning of my lovely Saturday surprise.)

January in my biz owner life

It's already mid-January.  I haven't written my updated business plan.   It's in my head, of course.  But as I enter the second year of my new venture, I just don't have time to get more than verbal approval from my key investor (me).

I like the directness of that.  Owning a business feels more natural to me than it did a few months ago.  I realized as I walked through Zurich early this morning -- watching deliveries and people opening their stores and coffee shops sprinkled with a few people reading newspapers -- that I feel a certain soul-warming flow and rhythm now to my days.  I have a lot of contact with people who may be clients and partners.  We really talk instead of only rush from one action plan to another.  I know what needs to be done and have learned how long most things take to finish.  Well, I still always underestimate the total time needed.  For example, to take a brochure to print:  many, many rounds of fixing little details during the last 10 days.  Hhhmf.  And let's not talk about how a web site update can become a continuous loop of iterations. (It's up as of yesterday! My reason for celebrating with prosecco this week...)

So today, when I reach 4 p.m. and I see that somehow the consulting project work took a little longer than planned and I made three fewer marketing phone calls than I wanted and I'm STILL waiting on the final print approval prototypes for our new product brochures -- I will just take a deep breath.

It's normal.  Put the stress aside.  It will all still be there tomorrow, as it was in every job for the last two decades.  And anyway, I must leave at 3:45 p.m. to be just-in-time Jill for German lessons with my actor-friend-teacher.  That's the new and old me together. I will now leave the office before 8 p.m. to do something for me, and I still run in for it just almost a little late! (Sorry Alex!)

The most important thing about communicating

On the phone right after the holidays, I finally thought to ask Mom a summarizing question:  So what would you tell a new teacher was most important about communicating with kids?

Like lightening, Mom said "I can give you that answer in four words!"  It's not a game show, I laughed.  But she was serious.  "Act like you care!" she said emphatically.  "Act like you care about all of the children.  Not just the good students.  Even the ones who can't learn easily.  Even the ones who smell like urine because the cat sleeps on their clothes.  The ones who have no friends. The ones who always have to break the rules."

Here I had unexpectecly touched a hot button.  "How does a teacher expect a child to feel about being in class if the teacher shows no interest in getting to know the child personally?"

And now I know why when I am out in my hometown with Mom it almost always happens that an adult walks up and, often with a shy grin, says "hello Mrs. Allemang!"  That person -- sometimes older than me in reality -- suddenly becomes a 4th grader again talking to a teacher who really knew him or her. Who thought he or she was important and relevant.  And Mom still remembers that fourth grader from class.  I know because she unfailingly asks a specific question. Even now, she wants to hear the answer.

Perhaps Mom really needs just one word to say what's most important: care.

Where to start when communicating

    Mom taught 4^th graders for more than 30 years.  Her school voted her “Teacher of the Year” twice shortly before she retired. I’ve often felt a bit in awe of her emotional strength that allowed her to face a class of 9 & 10 year-olds with their range of needs and energies every day.  She says she really enjoyed it.  Most of the time.  “I miss the kids, not the paperwork.”

     I asked what she did when kids in her class were not motivated to learn. I will remember her answer a long time:

     “You can tell when children walk in the door if something is wrong.  They might seem angry.  Or look like they just fell out of bed.  Or have forgotten things.  Or they might slam books or remotely sit with an unhappy look.  Or go pick-on someone.

      "The stress often comes from somewhere else.  Maybe an argument at home.  Sometimes you know the source – such as when a student’s father was dying.  Whether you know or not, it is important that you go to the child and ask about him or her.  'What did you do last night?'  'Did you get your homework done?'  'If not, what help do you need?'  And then give the student the help he or she needs."

       "First you have to ask and communicate or you do not find out anything."       

       The thing that struck me about Mom’s answer was that the purpose of communicating was a genuine desire to help make it possible to learn…beginning at the child’s starting point, not just the where the child was supposed to be in the class standard or process.

      Even with kids, Mom spoke to them first as individual, human people with human emotional experiences affecting their lives -- experiences that left unacknowledged could block bringing their best selves to the day.  And then the work of learning could start.  I think perhaps this principle of communicating should not be limited to 10-year-olds or classrooms...

Welcome 2007!

I'm officially back to work today, after a relaxing 10-day holiday break.  New for me...that I really take a break without checking e-mail or moving a project forward on the side.  I learned during my vacation last July to finally be present with friends and family through the entire holiday.  They appreciated seeing me without a phone attached to my ear and enthusiastically supported the "new Jill."  I hadn't realized how stressy the old Jill seemed to them -- she had to disappear before it was safe for them to tell me.  One of my great lessons of 2006!

Even during a break, I write a bit to relax.  Out of this scribbling will come my first posts for the year: a series of Lessons from Mom.  She visited me in Zurich for Christmas.  Great to have her here, especially as we continue to find new twists on family traditions since Dad died five years ago.

Between coffees and shopping, we talked about her 30-some years teaching 10-year olds in Ohio, USA.  I wrote a few of her ideas on napkins or whatever paper we could find in the moment.  She reminded me that the best approaches usually start with recognizing the human experience.

And that seems to me to be a good place to begin 2007.

Favorite Quote about Change

I found this quote on an index card over the weekend.  The card was dated 10/02.  I kept it beside my bed for some months when I started my year off of work to go to university.  It is still my favorite.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another.

It's attributed to Anatole France, a French Writer.  When taking a look around Google for the exact book or piece it came from, I found another quote of his that I quite liked -- To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe.

Wish I read French!