I've been thinking lately about executive leaders who are "rumored" to raise their voices often with other employees. And I've heard a few in my time shout in anger or frustration...though never at me directly.
I'm not sure what's worse about these occasions -- the fearful stories that circulate in the hallways or dealing with the anticipation that someone might get angry, out-of-control. Or actually experiencing the anger.
Only twice did a business person yell at me. The first was a customer. I was 20-something. He was known for shouting. I managed to stutter out that I was sorry he was angry and would like to find a solution, but only when he was ready to talk with me reasonably -- he could call me back at that time. Then I hung-up on him. As I sat wondering how much trouble I had now caused for myself and if he would escalate it to my boss, he called me back in a normal tone of voice. All was fine from there. I never forgot that early lesson to calmly stand my ground.
So why do we allow others to shout at us at work? Ghandi or someone great and spiritual would probably just let the guy rant and rave, wait until he fizzled out. And then say what he had to say.
My second experience and only actual shouting match came almost 15 years later -- with a peer in a management role. The stakes were higher. I was so frustrated with what seemed to me like stubborn refusal to consider new ideas (and being undermined and thinking it was really about him wanting my job and not the business itself, etc.). When he raised his voice, I matched it. Finally, though, I just walked away disgusted and said I couldn't waste my time on this. I don't remember if he ever came back in a more normal tone. I do remember that I was most disgusted with myself for having stopped acting like a mature adult. And I never did it again, no matter how angry.
The main standard of respectful action I can control is my own. That's the one I have to live with as I stand my ground. That's the only answer I have for yelling.
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