jalléCafe

Why I don't blog (Part 2)

And just when I had started to feel strong about my decision not to blog, Jill - in her gentle, persuasive way - brings up the topic again, and I weaken ………..

But luckily another team member comes to the rescue!

The next voice that speaks up is the holistic counsellor/coach in me who has a thing or two to say about blogging and life/work balance.

• This is a clear and ever so slightly smug voice that says ‘you know those clients who say they can’t go to bed without checking e-mails? And then they wonder why they don’t sleep? Well, what do you tell them?’ She nods knowingly and smiles patiently on hearing my obvious answers. We do some visualisations of my future self. I see my sleepless self at 3 in the morning, thinking about witty things to write about insomnia in my blog; I see a shadowy figure in front of the computer screen, unable to stop; I see myself moaning to my friends about my blogger’s block and how I haven’t been able to blog for days now. I stop visualising as I can feel a huge ‘I told you so’ coming on.

• My coaching voice then asks questions like: what would you be doing if you had more time? (not blogging); What’s really important to you? (not blogging for sure); What do you love doing? (nope, blogging isn’t on that list either); Will blogging help you achieve your goals? Perhaps. The business professional voice chips in briefly here: ‘it’s such a great marketing tool’.

I decide to let these two voices continue the conversation while I go out for a walk – something my holistic coach would presumably approve of.

Postscript re: my breasts

I've been organizing my bill payments due for the month.  And while I know that the lump in my breast could have been really serious, I am now accumulating the invoices for the "all clear" signal.  Two doctors and a mammography lab.  All told & in hindsight, it seems that I've just paid nearly 1,000 Swiss Francs to get three men to feel my breasts...

I need a massage!

The voice of a non-blogger!

Today, I introduce a new voice to my blog.  You have so far Expert Blogger Helen, Expert on Men & Women Communicating (among other things) Mr. Ness, and Mom of course.  Now I am pleased to add the voice of S.  S is a She.  An Irish red-head.  An affirmed, vocal non-blogger.

Apparently I bothered her so many times about how she stubbornly refused to even read my blog, much less comment on it, that she felt compelled to send me a written explanation.  Took her several pages to write it.  And like so many things that happen now in my life, she becomes a good idea to add to my blog!

I start with her first entry here.  By Easter, I'll be sure you get the whole story.  Over to S...

Jill, the good news is – I’ve found my voices. The bad news is – they’re telling me not to blog.  I’ll call the first one my desperate housewife voice.

• This is a somewhat overwhelmed and slightly whiny voice with a tinge of impatience. It says: ‘Do you really need one more thing that you will feel bad about not getting round to? I mean, just look around you!’ A quick scan of me and my living environment reveals windows that need cleaning; clothes that need washing and ironing; newspapers and magazines that I’ve subscribed to but not yet read, nails that should be manicured, gym equipment that never gets used (so I can’t see the muscle I’m not building) and so on.

I laugh at myself for even having considered blogging and decide I’ll feel much better if I relax in front of the TV with a big bowl of pasta and a nice glass of wine.  With warm regards, S.

Look-back on the first week of Spring

Here's a different perspective on what really happens in the life of new entreprenuer.  I'm going look back at each week, noting the "high," "low" and what I will remember most.  For a start, last week (beg. Monday, March 19):

• Five client meetings ranging from 1-2 hours each.
• Confirmed as chairwoman of the Professional Women's Group of Zurich
• Did the invoicing & accounting for the month
• Worked half a day, plus 2 lunches, with 3 colleagues on the Your Voice - Your Path learning community launch.  When we prove this concept works, I believe it will be the service from jallé that will make us most inspired & proud.  Through it, we encourage experienced professionals to follow their own paths with their own voices and to find solutions to compromises inevitably faced along the way.
• Two dinner nights out with friends
• One night I made it to the gym/fitness
• One morning I managed to get my hair cut
• On Friday, it snowed for the first time this year!  We welcomed Spring by sloshing around all day in our boots.

High & Most Memorable. Dinner on Thursday with my former corporate colleague Beth who I had not seen for five years.  She remains one of the most energetic and inspirational professional women I've met.  Now a VP.  And she lives a whole life.  Walked away wondering how the time goes so fast!

Low.  So much time on the accounting. Plus, seeing what milestones are ahead to make this business sustainable. Intellectually, I know I am making progress.  Emotionally, I see it is a building process again, like starting a new career. Uncertain. Worth doing.  Still tiring some days.

This weekend, I worked on travel plans to the ASTD International Conference in the USA.  Bought groceries.  Attended a fantastic garden show.  Made a little fitness.  Cooked.  Wrote on this blog.  AND slept 3 hours on my sofa after 8 hours sleeping in bed.  Can you say "near burn-out?!"  Don't worry, I also planned a six-day Easter weekend!  Now counting down 10 days to reach it...

Dealing with bosses who yell

I've been thinking lately about executive leaders who are "rumored" to raise their voices often with other employees.  And I've heard a few in my time shout in anger or frustration...though never at me directly.

I'm not sure what's worse about these occasions -- the fearful stories that circulate in the hallways or dealing with the anticipation that someone might get angry, out-of-control.  Or actually experiencing the anger.

Only twice did a business person yell at me.  The first was a customer. I was 20-something.  He was known for shouting.  I managed to stutter out that I was sorry he was angry and would like to find a solution, but only when he was ready to talk with me reasonably -- he could call me back at that time.  Then I hung-up on him.  As I sat wondering how much trouble I had now caused for myself and if he would escalate it to my boss, he called me back in a normal tone of voice.  All was fine from there. I never forgot that early lesson to calmly stand my ground.

So why do we allow others to shout at us at work?  Ghandi or someone great and spiritual would probably just let the guy rant and rave, wait until he fizzled out.  And then say what he had to say.

My second experience and only actual shouting match came almost 15 years later -- with a peer in a management role. The stakes were higher.  I was so frustrated with what seemed to me like stubborn refusal to consider new ideas (and being undermined and thinking it was really about him wanting my job and not the business itself, etc.).  When he raised his voice, I matched it.  Finally, though, I just walked away disgusted and said I couldn't waste my time on this.  I don't remember if he ever came back in a more normal tone.  I do remember that I was most disgusted with myself for having stopped acting like a mature adult.  And I never did it again, no matter how angry.

The main standard of respectful action I can control is my own.  That's the one I have to live with as I stand my ground.  That's the only answer I have for yelling.

Laughing all the way home - Part II

See Part I yesterday for the context.  This Lesson from Mom was continued from my blog to e-mail in her own words...

The mother said "It was nothing bad."  When one of her girls was in third grade she came in for a conference because her girls were bickering and arguing a lot at home.  To make a long story, short she told me that I advised her to take turns inviting a friend over for each girl to play at home.  She did this and it worked.  The girls stopped bickering and arguing. And they made a good friend.  Whew, I didn't remember this and was glad that I had some sense back then.  I walked to the meat section looking for a roast and began shuffling the meat around to see what was in the back.  I commented to the meat manager as he was putting in fresh meat, and who also happened to be the father of a former student, that I would try not to make too big a mess with the meat.  He grinned and said they'd pick me up on the surveillance camera and get me there.  I said I'd slip out the door and try not to be caught. And we both laughed.  I went in the commercial entrance at Lowe's because it's faster. Asked Brian, a former student at the cash register, where to find the dowell rods.  I bought the rods and a small saw, walked to the register and said to Brian, "Now it's your turn to teach me something.  Would this saw work for the rods?"  After confirming the saw was OK, two parents of a former student walked to the register and we talked.  The father asked me what I was doing with the rods. I explained that they needed to be in pieces and Brian had advised me that I bought the correct saw.  Brian threw up his hands and said, "I don't know anything about that saw, really.  If it doesn't work just sue me!"  We all laughed and as I was walking to my car I was so glad that I had to shop this morning.  I laughed all the way to my car.  Don't ask me the moral to this story except be careful what you say and how you act:  someone is going to remember!!!!   Thanks for reading my story, nobody else would even be interested. (jill's note:  wanna bet? your daughter keeps a blog!)        Love,   MOM

Laughing all the way home - Part I

I've been so busy in a client leadership workshop through Saturday that it's a good thing my Mom has sent along her own words...first here's the comment she left on my blog earlier this year.  Then, in Part II, you'll get the whole story. That's coming tomorrow just for fun... and Wednesday you'll be stuck with just me and my thoughts (smile).  Warm regards, Jill

Hi Again.  Didn't know where to send this so.....I laughed all the way home from shopping at Krogers (grocery store) and Lowes (large do-it-yourself warehouse store) this morning.  In Krogers I ran into a NV mom (aka New Vienna where Mom taught school) and one of her three daughters I had in 3rd grade.  She asked me if my ears were burning.  I laughed and she said they had been talking about me this morning.  I said "Oh no, what did I do or not do?"   (Maybe this should be continued on your regular e-mail.)  To be continued on regular e-mail.  Love,  MOM

The strength of mountains

It is Sunday evening.  I need to tell you about our business milestone achieved on Friday that created fatigue and happiness combined.  But as I said, it is Sunday.  That story will wait for the week.

Today I took a morning train to the mountains.  Arosa.  As the string of red-painted cars made the last winding hour up to nearly 2,000 meters, an audio-taped narrator said Arosa is the oldest city in Switzerland.  That surprised me.  I am also pleasantly surprised that I have a history there now too.

First, here's what I like about the Swiss mountains in general and definitely Arosa:  all people can find a way to enjoy them.  In my picture above, you see people walking, a horse-drawn carriage, and on the mountain behind, skiers.  And look at that blue sky above the peaks.  I've never seen a deeper blue sky than I did today.   

I walked for hours.  I loved seeing the men and women of all ages. People stopped often to raise their faces into the warming sun. I admit I also enjoyed the Swiss way of exercise, with a restaurant or coffee shop rarely more than 40 minutes walking from any point. I had a bratwurst, a friendly conversation, and happily shared my french fries with a boy whose parents had sadly not let him order his own.

My history in Arosa started when, more than a year ago, I heard a man describe it.  He nearly radiated his feelings.  He said it was a place where at the top, surrounded 360 degrees by mountains, he felt that the earth would take him in her arms and tell him the world would be OK.  I've visited now 5 times and learned the Swiss moutain culture from many perspectives through being there.  When I needed to feel today that the world is beautiful and "everything will be OK in the long run,"  I found her arms there for me, too.

Live plants & change

Today, I finally put two real plants in my office.   I was inspired by the art I hung two weeks ago.  It all needed to look a little more finished now in honor of the beautiful landscape trilogy that a friend painted.

I'm also inspired by the fact that my five plants at home are all alive now for three years and -- dare I say it? -- thriving!  Since I stopped traveling and now talk with them more often, the plants responded. "We are happy to see you home once in a while!"  They show me new leaves.  They stand taller.  First time in my life my plants are my friends and not just slowly browning, parched reminders of too many flights.

Now here's the thing:  not everything else is inspiring.  On some things I just trudge along and do the best I can.  I finally also found a printer stand.  Kind of like buying a vacuum cleaner.  Boring to shop for and not something I really want to spend my money on or time doing. 

Lately, I've had a lot of long days with consulting work and marketing.  I've been telling myself every night when I'm tired that I did my best and that it is enough for the day. Enough to trust that life will help me with the rest.  And sometimes I still wonder.  I just don't know for sure how it will work out.  I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.  Did I do enough?

Yet, I think this is what I've done now for many years. (Longer than the number of years of the guy whose 40th birthday party I will join this evening.)  I think it is possibly why, after three years of trying to find "my" lifestyle, I discovered this winter that I finally have live, happy plants.