Jill, you probably think I’ve run out of voices but I have of course saved the best till last.
- You know those paintings you have in your office? Well, those are there because I haven’t been blogging. So, time to hear what the artist voice has to say. This is a voice that is just warming up after being quiet for many years. It’s a visual voice which is no longer content to play second fiddle to the verbal voice. It wants its own space and recognition.
My father died suddenly when I was sixteen. What made this traumatic was not so much the death itself but the shock of the silence that followed. We did not discuss the death or anything vaguely related to it (especially our emotions) at home. My need to talk went unrecognised and this may well be why I later overemphasised verbal / linguistic expression. When I moved to Switzerland, I found the experience of not being able to communicate extremely frustrating, even painful. This may be because it triggered earlier memories of ‘losing my voice’. I worked incredibly hard to find my German-speaking voice. Meanwhile, my artist voice was little more than a faint whisper in the background. I took drawing courses now and then but never really ‘got my artistic act together’.
- I took up the topic of painter’s block with my therapists while I was in training as a counsellor. My favourite ‘most misunderstood moment in therapy’ was when one therapist tried to persuade me that I should join a choir. As someone whose musical talent extends to a New Year’s Eve Irish pub rendering of ‘Danny Boy’ but not beyond this, I found this suggestion hysterically funny.
In the end it was two good friends who helped me find my painting voice. They organised a private lesson for the three of us with an artist friend. I am indebted to Verena and Susanna for recognising my need and dealing with it in a supportive and enjoyable way. The artist in question, Marlis Spielmann (web) has become both a mentor and a friend, someone whose skill, creativity, humour and support I value enormously.
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