Readers often ask me when I'll post another "Lesson from Mom." I interviewed Mom to gather more lessons on my birthday -- way back in April. Next week is her birthday. The least I can do is follow-through before then! (When it is the words of your own mother, you feel you need to write them like gold.) I have two series of posts in the next weeks: gender differences and working on teams. Let's start with the battle between the sexes, shall we?
A client recently voiced an interest to improve communication between men and women at work. So I thought it might help to go "back to the root causes" by asking Mom if she noticed any differences in the way boys and girls communicate as 10-year-olds. Her first response was a bit mild. "Yes, to some extent there is a difference, but not as much as when they get older. Boys can be just as 'chatty' and 'talky' as girls. It is what they are talking about that is different."
She had my interest. "Girls would talk about where they were going. What they were wearing. Their homework. Anything that might have happened the previous night or could happen the next day. Boys would talk about sports, a game they saw on TV, and their bodies, especially the sounds they could make. They thought it was funny." (So far, I was trying to figure out what was different when they get older...)
"But in the end," she said, "they all have the same needs." They might feel sad. Or sick. Or be smart and require more challenging questions when talking.
"And their ingrained first reaction, first way of communicating, usually came from their parents. Their first role models for how to communicate." If a boy is quiet or shy, often you would find that a parent is the exact same way at home. That's why it is important to put boys and girls together with a mix of communication skills. So they can learn from each other and make it safe to find new models.
Mom thought a little more about the differences. Boys seemed happier. Would joke around more. Would talk on and not always realize they hurt someone because they were just talking anyway and didn't mean it. Not much bothered them.
And then her voice became a bit more whisper-like, "I know I'm not supposed to have an opinion about this, but really I think it was sometimes easier to communicate with the boys."
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