A friend reminded me this week that sometimes making a strong decision leaves you feeling lonely.
That's the peril of leadership. And of following your own path in general perhaps.
Lately, a triad of such decisions converged on me professionally and personally. Three Pied Pipers played lovely flute music, tantalizing me to follow their paths. I realized after a while that the paths weren't leading anywhere I hoped to go in the long run. (I seem to need lessons in multiples from life before I actually catch-on.)
And that reminded me of my first encounter with a similar situation when I was a teenager. A girl who was for a while "My Best Friend" suddenly became my competitor over a boy. I only realized late that it was a competition at all. That's when I learned the "Pied Piper Litmus Test." If you try to get a little of a two-way path going -- and the Piper suddenly turns and throws the flute at you with the speed of a baseball or an errant hockey puck -- that's a 100% sure a PP.
Back then, I fought back a little -- ironically with a flute. We both played flute in the school symphonic band. She was first chair. I was second. Three weeks after I recognized the PP, I "challenged" her for her chair. I won. We had probably 20 such challenges through the year. I became a much better flute player. We never recovered our friendship.
What I learned from that was 1) I have a steel will that when engaged can create surprising results. She was a much better musician, but I could summon my focus and strength of discipline to overcome lesser talent at that age. And 2) it's not often worth it to do so. I don't even play my flute anymore. Better I focus my will on my own path rather than proving I can make it on another one that I know I don't want anyway.
And lesson 3) some people will manipulate you when you truly are trying to make a good faith effort to do the right thing. That's the hardest lesson for me. I always think if I just keep trying to take the high road, the PP will get it and try to learn a little bit of my piano composition to go along with the flute. Or that I owe somebody something based on principle. Or it's just that way in business. Seems always to the peril mostly of my own stress level that I keep hanging in the game.
And so once again, having been reminded by Life three times, I'm finally stepping back onto my own path. I know it's the right decision. Maybe someday I'll become more discerning about Pied Pipers. But in the long run I hope I still see most people first as humans.
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