I will facilitate a workshop this week with a small group of bankers from a large company. We'll discuss "communicating for influence." Been reading about "influence skills" to be current on the latest thinking. There's not much new, really:
listen, take an interest in the other person's perspective, be likable
But in my view, real influence reaches deeper than these "selling" techniques. Real influence motivates, inspires and raises the bar on what you and others want to try.
It combines words with every day actions.
Let's take an example.
I told Mr. Ness last week that he has given me an important gift during the two years we've worked together: reconnection with something I once aspired to...to lead a communications team at a management level. I remember when I started my career in PR as a fresh-out-of-school inexperienced girl, I dreamed of being a Communications VP because I thought it would be fun creatively and make a real difference to others. It would mean I had really done something through my career.
Mr. Ness wasn't trying directly to help me reconnect with that dream. We simply shared experiences and opinions on topics we both found interesting. Those ideas, combined with his actions to create a professional role as situations evolved unexpectedly, have distinctly influenced our direction in Zurich.
By communicating and taking a genuine interest in me -- as well as in the business -- over time, Mr. Ness has helped make my past and current voice relevant. Helped make me feel relevant. Helped ponder through a question many of us face at some point in our lives. "Is who we are and what we think relevant to anyone or anything important?"
Mr. Ness also wrestles with the question. Yet I see what would be missing if his strengths were not brought to the table: a number of people like me would not have the same opportunities to try things. His way of writing amazes me in how it finds just the right words to communicate a point without being overbearing in the message. Gives space to other thoughts and to dialogue. Moves ideas forward.
His challenge -- and the trick to influence for most of us, I believe -- is to "stand in" during the daily moments of interaction, when it is not so easy to have prepared just the right words for a situation. When you are not sure you are saying or doing the right thing exactly. To stop niggling the little stuff and remember that the impact is greater than perfect work and interaction everyday; it is opportunity created in the longer-run.
That "standing-in" through uncertainty creates influence.
And influence to me means giving the gift of relevance to others. It multiplies the number of ideas that become enthusiastically carried forward.
I think "I-don't-blog" Sandra is on to something here. Influence can be good or bad and is often rooted in self-interest. Inspiration, however, is nearly always good and is more receiver-centric. I think that's what MOM is referring to as well. She didn't realize her influence because that wasn't her intent. She inspired. I agree about getting those quiet ones to share their ideas. Ironically, the shy and the loud seem to suffer from the same ailment: lack of self-confidence. As the old saying goes, "those who know the least, know the loudest." So, if the ill is the same, what is the common cure? I vote for Aretha Franklin's prescription, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Too little of that in business and life, I believe.
Posted by: Mr. Ness | January 25, 2008 at 04:37 PM
Hi Jill
Can you believe I'm doing this?!
Our discussions on communicating for influence got me thinking about the two words influence and inspiration. The dictionary defines influence as 'the power to have an effect on people or things'. Some collocations: to exert/use your influence, to be 'under the influence'!! Influence can be good or bad. Inspiration on the other hand is 'to fill someone with confidence and eagerness so that they feel they can achieve something difficult and special'. Just wanted to throw that into the discussion...
Posted by: Sandra | January 24, 2008 at 07:51 AM
Jill, This article is very powerful. I like the "standing in" creates influence. Some people like your uncle John and I grew up in a loving family where we listened rather than spoke about ideas. I speak for us both when I say it's been difficult to speak up; easier to say nothing rather than formulate an idea about a subject. I'm still amazed when someone quotes back something I have said that made an influence in what they thought or did: never thought anyone was really listening. (except in my captive audience classroom) HA! I'm glad you're teaching people the words to communicate even if you are speaking with mostly very vocal people anyway. The shy and reluctant ones are also sitting there. MOM
Posted by: Jane Allemang | January 23, 2008 at 02:06 PM