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Week 34: practice communicating to stand in

Just in time Jill here again!  Posting week 34 just before week 35 passes in a flash!

Last week, I had a several chances to practice standing in.  You know standing in, right?  It means using your voice when you do not feel 100% happy with something someone said. And that someone has authority or, in some way, power.

This summer I (re)read a book by Howard Gardner (called Leading Minds) that suggests strong leaders like Churchill or Eleanor Roosevelt showed an early willingness to stand up to authority.

But you think twice before standing when that authority is a new client helping to pay your bills.

Then I reminded myself that most strong, productive conversations start with someone being willing to say what he or she thinks, really.   I said what I thought, trying to stick with the mutual goals and hopefully hiding my impatience or irritation at the waste of energy potentially brought on with (and by now you know this is my favorite) corporate politics. 

And today, I'm still standing.  We're still working together.  I think and feel we are better for it.  How can I tell?  We smile and joke with each other more as we go forward. A side benefit to standing I had not considered: the whole project is more fun.

Ban the corporate scowl! Throw in a little unexpected response

Have you ever noticed that most people are most compelling when they smile and talk animatedly about something so that their eyes shine brightly?

So why do we sit through hundreds of business meetings where the popular and "true serious professional" posture is a downright scowl?  I'll bet you've seen it: someone tipped back on two hind legs of a chair, arms folded (across top of stomach), looking skeptical, bored, critical.  Then comes the smart sounding question.  Head shakes ever so slightly at the response with a raised eyebrow and perhaps making a little note on a paper pad. Implying exquisitely through body language the weakness in the speaker's thinking.  After the answer is finished, sitting in silence (meaning, the speaker might have said something halfway intelligent) or shooting back a critique (no doubt prepared well before crafting the question to fit it).

What on earth do we possibly expect from these interactions?!  When you leave these meetings, do you feel compelled to action?  What action?  A drink, a jog, a shower to wash away the political, "acting like a manager" dust? (I tried all three remedies before I finally decided on a new way.)

It's a risk to participate in a meeting with enthusiasm and animation.  But that's the only way to show yourself and compel others to join in positively.  As employees, why do we accept silly, stuffy, play-acting meeting behavior?  Let's just be silly or stuffy if that is authentically us. I find it much more rewarding when I throw in a comment and another person says, "Hey, now that's something I hadn't thought of!"

Each of us owns these little interactions and interjections.  With them, we can change the entire tone of a dialogue and actions that follow.  Don't we owe it to ourselves to ensure our time is used for more than a corporate scowl?

Week 33: time management & inspiration

I find it eerie sometimes how intuition connects with reality. 

I started Monday with an intuitive theme in addition to my list of stuff to do: a growing feeling that I need to figure out new ways to build and stay connected with my "inspiration circle" of professional relationships, friends and family.  It's been on my mind since my holiday.  Always a dilemma of time management somehow for me.  And wanting to be "not always" on my computer. Believing that in-person is better for emotions, health and conversation, yet recognizing that I'm a woman who needs significant alone space to recharge my batteries. Plus I live at a distance from a range of important people in my life. Yet these people, collectively, give the warmth, love and inspiration that makes it all fun and rewarding.

Then on Tuesday, I bumped into my first ever jalle client who I had not seen for some months since he changed his job (and life).  He suggested we reconnect for a coffee and scheduled it later via email.  (The unexpected, simple reconnection felt important and good. As an entrepreneur, I keep a special place in my soul for that first person who voluntarily said, "I could use your help with something" after I announced my new venture.)

And so on it went through the week.  While having a long-awaited lunch with a former colleague, an even longer-known former colleague stopped by to say "hi" and reminded me we should catch-up. And a local friend who I haven't seen for a year called to schedule lunch (in October, by the time our calendars collide). Etc. I took some space over the weekend for myself -without allowing myself to feel guilty about how I "should" do something else  - in a place a enjoy near Zurich. (And except for the 10 minutes of the man in the herb sauna obviously trying to introduce himself, I recharged in peace.)

I felt healthier for the week, even though it also included all the same stresses of proposals due, client project deadlines and more email received than time available to deal with it. Somewhere in there I had also talked a little with Mom and corresponded with one of my closer friends in the USA. I felt present with my circle of inspiring people and myself. 

I realized over the weekend that I need to make a mental shift:

My to-do list each week must be shorter and account for a longer-term perspective, including a few to do's with my "inspiration circle."  It's too easy to get lost in the focus on paperwork, team planning, meeting summaries and email.  This dilemma persists, whether the setting is corporate, smaller specialty business, or entrepreneurial.

My intuitive voice says it's up to me to change my attitude about what makes time "well spent" -  not just the structure around my life.

Conversation required

I can trace my fascination with organizational communications to my childhood.  My two-years-younger, identical triplet brothers, represented 50% of our family members.  Their often-used repetoire of responses to questions about why "you did or didn't do something" included, "Well!  But you didn't tell me!" or "That's not what I heard you say!"

My brothers illustrated perhaps the most common org comms dilemma: three seemingly-similar people (be they brothers or employees) when exposed to the same words in a close, in-person environment, did not seem to get the same message from Management (aka Mom & Dad). 

Since then, the dynamics & dilemmas of how people communicate in groups intrigued me. I followed that red thread through my studies and the fairly wide range of organizations in which I've participated because I think it makes a huge difference in what people actually do.

What have I learned? I ask myself this question some 30 years later as I see that all of the same dilemmas seem to persist in our workplaces and families. I build my career and life now around these answers:

1. When you are Management, you must ensure there is a table discussion

With increasing numbers of two-career and/single parent families at home and exponentially multiplying global job scopes at work, finding the time to sit together and talk often eludes us. Management must decide that constructive interactions are the foundation upon which all future plans and steps can be architected.

2. When you are Management, you must set the table discussion agenda with care and foresight

Maybe our family could have better used our around-the-dinner-table time to talk together about expectations.  Our dinners tended to be "show and tell."  What did you do in school today? And what is your homework? And when do you need to be at band pratice tomorrow? Tactics.

What we really needed to discuss at the table were the complicated, emotional issues: Why must we share one car between four teenagers equally? Why does it make a difference to Mom (who works full time) that we all do our assigned chores without arguing.  Why certain things are important - strategy.

3. When you are Management, you must learn the skills of raising difficult issues in a way that builds positive interaction towards solutions

Let's face it ,the more close a topic comes to our emotional needs, the more difficult it is to discuss.  As both children and employees, we don't see the whole picture.  The financial stress.  The difficult choices to be made.

I doubt we would have created family Utopia, just as we will never create organizational Nirvana. But creating more common understanding based on the realities of work and life  - as discussed through Management who intends the best outcome - might bring us together in our actions more often. 

It requires conversation. 

You can find my photos also on Flickr

I created and started blogging with a web-based digital photo site in early 2008. You can find it here:  My Flickr Account  .  I keep blog-worthy and general photos there. I use it to illustrate my writing points and to share my life with my friends and family wherever they are  Feel free to take a look.  I find it great fun to keep up.

Communications plan for my blog

For those of you non tech-types like me, I want to explain some new things I'm doing with my blog (thanks to finding a little summer holiday time to dream):

1. Appropriately dreamy sounding, I've added a "category cloud" to the menu bar.  The list of categories now looks like a connected list of topics. The larger the letters/name of the topic, the more I've posted in that category. My blog expert friend Nice-Cup-of-Tea Helen tells me that the technology to do this emerged about a year ago.  I find it a great way for me to see if I'm writing on all topics that I care about over time.  Fun to watch it grow and shrink.

2. I've reorganized the categories to fit what I care about in communications: 

• Finding your voice. Helping people find their own voices - be clear about what they want to communicate
• Using your voice. Helping leaders & any employee communicate with influence - in an organizational setting and specific job role
• Building corporate cultures. Helping where we work become better places for healthy conversations
  
  I will write in each category during the coming months.

3. Two specific categories complete my list and I hope will give readers more context and an occasional smile:

• About this blog. This category provides context to my blogging.  It describes the contributing voices (i.e. Lessons from Mom, Nice-Cup-of-Tea Helen, Sandra O. The Nonblogger, and Mr. Ness) and explains what I'm trying to accomplish with my blog
• Living resiliently. Here I will write observations, sometimes just fun and nonsense, about life in Zurich and in general. The point is to show that I am deeply committed to whole-life perspectives and to encouraging all of us to get ahead of "burn-out" by managing our energy proactively. It's not always easy. I'll share my own peaks and valleys.  You'll also find Sandra O. The NonBlogger here.

I'll be interested to hear what you think about my updated plans as I'm gaining experience as a bonafide blogger!    

Week 32: Mixed clouds & sunshine

Partly cloudy, sunny, rainy, windy, cool, hot.  It's August in Zurich.

During the last week, I mixed work and pleasure too.

Vacation.  Reading.  Laying on the beach beside the lake.  Long nights out with friends.  Busy days with clients.  Even during the two extra days I took for vacation, I found space, emotional freedom and perspective to write on my business topics.  And on Wednesday - a long day of work in the office - I ended with a spontaneous 1.5 hour boat ride - a sunny, float with a friend who has a new job.

Through it all, I recommitted to my business goals, reorganized my blog, figured out what I hope is a solution for team organization changes required, and refreshed my energetic spirit.

Variety helps me. As does taking enough space for myself.  Mostly, I need to remember that many rules I follow that drag down my days into fatigue are of my own making or assumption that I "should" do something a certain way.  Like I "should" be always in the office when I'm working.

When will I learn that I have to slow down before I can speed up?

Week 31: Summer lessons for an entrepreneur

The last week of July puts Switzerland and most of Europe solidly in summer holiday season. The French and Italians largely disappear from business for the entire month of August.

If you don't plan ahead, your work slows down whether you want it to or not.  We did our best to prepare - especially now that at least one person on our team will be out on vacation every week through September.   Fortunately, a few new projects for both my business and my clients' team should keep us steady.

I also tried to anticipate the season by jumping eagerly online July 1st at 7 a.m. to grab a few nights of open air cinema tickets in Zurich.  For a month, the telecomms company Orange sponsors films by the lake.  When the weather is nice, an evening cannot be better.  I saw The Band's Visit a couple of weeks ago. Fun and quirky. My friend and I arrived early to share a bottle of wine and an enthusiastic mutual update.  Then last night, I had extra tickets and arrived myself only barely in time for a quick dinner and to watch that big screen rise over the lake again.

The movie fit my week - which was sure no light and airy summer escape. Le Scaphandre et le Papillon (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly) in its intensity made me even forget I was listening in French (which I don't understand) and reading German subtitles, usually still an effort for me. 

It was as if the "world" decided to remind me this week why I made changes in my life:  I have seen reason to ponder which direction is best for my business, for continuing to grow as a person, for following the path I thought I set forward (the constant dilemma of an entrepreneur).  And as if to say "listen, girl!" I gained a new client project for which I will do what I love best professionally (designing and facilitating a corporate discussion) right when I was thinking about what kind of work I really wanted. And for the first time we spoke primarily German as we outlined the goals, just a few days after I decided to finally return to my German lessons.

Last night I felt frustrated that one of my client projects was making it difficult for me to leave the office.  That, in fact, it seemed to be accomplishing the opposite of my overall life goals as I finally arrived home at 8:00 p.m. then raced out to the lake.  There is always so much to do and the challenge of deciding what can be delegated and when you can afford more help. And there were silly squabbles this week among some women who are supposed to represent "professionalism" to others. I was begining to feel a weird mix of exasperation and numbness.

Then the movie abruptly reminded me that life is short, unpredictable and valuable for the small moments and opportunities not squandered.

The close of the The Band's Visit drew enthusiastic, smiling applause a few weeks ago. Le Scaphandre et le Papillon drew absolute silence.  The entire audience sat quietly in the dark while the screen credits slowly rolled. I felt we collectively shared the humanity of knowing it was a true story and a few moments of realizing we could still feel the breeze off of the lake. How unfair it seemed in some way.  I found myself deeply moved to move forward.