jalléCafe

Emotion, thanks

I received quite a lot of notes after last week's post asking if I was OK. And of course a call from my mother. Thanks, really for being concerned.

I guess the "I cried for an hour" surprised people a little. Don't usually blog that part of my life.

I've cried many hours as a tool for dealing with frustration. Once even in front of my boss during a performance review. (OK, I was 23 then...) I seem to rebound from crying to steely determination, laced with rebel humor and the need to do something productive as a counter to negativity. Hence last Thursday's book slamming.

I also had a lovely note from my non-blogger friend Sandra O. She and her husband have, too, been decluttering: "I also found myself thinking about all those courses I had done, all those jobs, all that effort, all those books … was it worth it?!"

That was exactly my sentiment at my lowest moment last week - has all of my effort to be a decent person and to do something meaningful been worth it? Well, what is the alternative? To stop trying and give up hope? Just can't. I guess a little book slamming among tears will have to be allowed.

Aftermath of culture shock

No matter how long you live in another country, how much you love it there, and how integrated you try to become, there will always be those moments in which something goes so differently than you expected.  Because you don't totally understand the rules.  And that can be really frustrating.

This is the Friday morning aftermath of that moment I faced on Thursday evening.

I unexpectedly received a letter that entirely complicates my plan to change apartments.  I felt the most deeply stunned and culturally helpless that I have maybe in seven years.  So of course I cried. For an hour.

Then as I rebounded a little, I suddenly decided I needed to channel this energy somewhere.  I spied my overloaded bookcase, still stuffed with random books from the last decade.  And I decided it was time to purge!  Book-by-book, the rejects landed on the floor.  Hard. Thump, thump-thump, slam!

Boy did I feel better.

On the floor:  a good 1/3 dribble about relationships (kept just two classics, the rest gone!), 1/3 once-trendy, now forgotten business books (usually received from work - again I kept the classics like Drucker, Hamil & Prahalad, Collins) and 1/3 fiction that if I haven't read it in 10 years, my Kindle now ensures I never will.

I enjoyed my Friday morning coffee surveying the pile. Feeling deeply satisfied.  Then later called in expertise to resolve the cultural crisis.  It's all in the learning. By this morning, the aftermath was neatly bagged and ready to be hauled out.

Next cultural crisis pending: What are the rules for recycling books here?  I'm sure there are rules and this time I'll try to get ahead of them.  Or maybe I'll just end up decluttering my kitchen...

Enjoying the unexpected

Monday morning surprise: our entire street now blocked by a crane in front of our lovely scaffolded building. Fortunately, it turned out to be a lot more quiet here than we were told to expect.  Good thing especially for my 10  client phone conferences and three meetings!

Lots of things this week turned out differently than I expected.

I received a surprise email about a possible new apartment that would put me in the center of what I most love about this city.  A surprise visit from a fortune teller at my Studio. (No I didn't ask him my fortune. Would rather that be a surprise, too. A construction worker had left our building door open...sure surprised me when I opened the Studio to see this man who looked and spoke like a cartoon character as he tried to hand me a business card.)

And I made several unexpected decisions NOT to do things the way I had planned. Go away for the weekend for one.

The only thing this week that didn't surprise me is that it went fast.

More planned, I spent a wonderful "girls day" with a friend who will soon have a new baby. Boy or girl, we don't know. She wanted that to be a surprise. And it is scheduled just days from now.

So next week has the great potential to be unexpected, too.  I love the feeling there could be something "curious and wonderful" just around the corner.  A few surprises go the wrong way. But the hope and possibility of something lovely just ahead makes each new day it worth it!

Under construction

In February, I said I would take a few months off to get out from behind my own shadow. In March, life gave me unwished-for help as we lost my younger brother John. Time rushed by to full summer sunshine. Finally, I'm back.

Have a new plan. It is now fully under construction like our building on Augustinergasse. This scaffolding went up on Monday. Shame to see the lovely old house surrounded by pipes and nets.

But like a butterfly, it will emerge from its cocoon in mid-September with a modern, fresh and even more beautiful new tile roof. Ready for the next decades. About that same time, my business will reemerge, too. With a new web site and way of interacting. A new blog. I'll keep this one privately, but we will have more to say as jallé!

I'm excited. Let the ripping and pounding and hammering begin. The mess is worth it.

And meanwhile, I'll hang-out here for the summer.