jalléCafe

I hate dativ

No, I didn't mean "dating." I meant dativ.  (Although it has occurred to me once or twice also with the other "d" word that I'd be just as happy at home, reading a nice book - in English.)

Dativ is a grammar case in German.  I took 16 "intensive" (translate, private) German lessons last week.  English doesn't use dativ. And you can't dutzen anyone in English either.  Plus "neck ties" in English are for men.  In German, they are feminine (the word "die" therefore used for "the," instead of "der" - also "the" in the masculine form - or "das" which is neutral. I guess in the politically-correct American world we might have changed all "the's" to neutral by now, which would sure be easier!)

I always work in English; so, why do I torture myself in my non-existent entrepreneurial free time with these details I have trouble memorizing?

Dativ finally really matters now because I've progressed to the level of not just wanting to get my idea across in German, but to do it well. Now even I can tell the difference when I don't. It's like the difference between snow-plowing and paralleling your ski's to get down the hill.  The latter is graceful and cuts along smoothly, the former not.  

Plus, I'm building character.

When I was a child, I struggled equally with what I considered boring math facts (i.e. 2+2=4).  I was actually good at math, but had no patience for the little pesky details. What's a calculator for anyway? To help me, Grandpa started carrying flashcards in his pocket.  When he said "hi," he tended to follow it with "What's 7 x 8?"  (Only in a family of teachers!) I admit, it worked.

There aren't any flashcards for dativ, though I do have them for the "the's."  And as for the other big D-word that ends in -ing.  Sometimes I'd still rather be home reading a book, even in German. :)

The art of resolving miscommunication - feeling heard & understood

While traveling some weeks ago for a workshop, trying to pinpoint what it is that I do for a living exactly, I jotted this in my journal. Found it this morning and thought it was worth a post.

I'm not an expert on resolving miscommunication, but I do know how to help people feel heard.  And over the years as I've been fascinated with the topic, I've come to believe that feeling heard can in fact avoid a whole lot of misunderstanding in the first place. 

What can you do so that people feel "heard?"

1. Ask their opinion and find something in it that benefits your own growth or your business situation. Learn the intense pleasure of seeing someone "light up" because his or her idea was genuinely valued and used. This feeling can far exceed that of having it your own way. Plus, committing to yourself to find something good and workable in the other person's view means you actually have to listen.
2. In a group, sometimes ask each person to express his or her own opinion and say "good, I'm glad to hear that" after each one. Be glad. When people feel safe to express their own views, the chance for real communication increases.
3. Ask for an example of what a person means. So many times, we think we understand, but it's based on our own assumptions, not theirs. When a person explains the context using a real example, we have a much higher chance to understand the full story.

And finally my favorite gentleness in communication idea, which I realize as I write about it, took a while to learn. Sometimes I still need practice:

Listen into the message to find how people want to succeed and understand what makes them insecure about doing it. Often, we actually voice more our insecurities than our confidence.  I had a boss once (my worst) who purposely looked for insecurities to exploit them.  Some people do that. But I think it's important to help be more gentle with people who mostly want to be valued.  To step more lightly around the soft spots.  Then trust can increase, defenses can dissolve and real communication can begin.

Maybe we would have less miscommunication, fewer misunderstandings if...

Yesterday, I briefly joined a going away thank you celebration for a client with whom I have worked for two years now and who took a new role in a different location.  He said he wrote his "goodbye" notes because he was afraid he would get too emotional. And he did get emotional a little. A pause. A choked voice. 

I hope he wouldn't mind me saying that in that moment I stood in awe of how much more meaningful and real it made him. How his show of emotion made his words fresh and effective. Authentic and believable.  This is one reason I'm sure I will miss working with him so often. It was a wholly human experience.

If it were really OK not to be tough, smart and fast all the time. To instead say what we really feel and think even if it made us look vulnerable.  Would the meaning come across crystal clear as it did yesterday? Would we understand each other better and more gently?

I'm going to try it and I'm guessing I will learn something about myself when showing more emotion in all parts of my life. It might not be that easy for this long-time business girl.

And we wonder why communication is complicated

I flew 14 hours straight yesterday for a client workshop this week in Latin America. 

In 14 hours on one airplane, I will read anything and everything in print.  At one point as I stood rather dazedly in front of the toilette waiting my turn, wanting to brush my teeth after our second meal, my third movie and my fourth attempt to read more than 100 pages in my book, I noticed something:  the sign printed on the toilette door said in German, "it is not allowed to smoke in the toilette."  In English it said, "it is not allowed to smoke in the lavatory."

And I asked myself, what is a lavatory?  Had I ever in my American life (Boeing printed this wall) used a lavatory?

I don't think so.  It sounds like a word my father would have made up right along with our family favorite: swedge.  (One of the least used references ever to appear in the dictionary.)

And right below the no smoking in the lavatory sign, I noticed something else affixed to the wall was labeled:  Aschenbecker (an ashtray)

Jet lag or irony?

:-)

Post & go

I send this post to you via my iPhone from a train between client meetings & Zurich. Seems like a productive thing to do with 50 minutes. Fun to try ut,
I am sending this post via my iPhone between client meetings and Zurich. Seems like productive use of 50 minutes.

of course there're will be the usual typos. I will say things s little short & quick because thumb typing quickly feels like arthritis. And maybe what I could use more is sitting still and letting the words float to me for later. Yet it is fun to try it! Adding to the cyberspace chatter...

But it was fun to try it!

Keeping it simple

"Being simple and clear is a lot harder than letting everyone do what they want," a leader said recently during a workshop.  

He was referring to the time and effort required to lead something well and to the work required to make communication simple.

Isn't it true? You just know that when something seems clear, simple and easy, it was most likely because a "heck-of-a-lot-of" work went into making it that way.  The same effort underlies an athlete who makes it look easy to land a quadruple axle or ski with grace down a slalom run at the speed of light.

I've been updating what seems like a myriad of my own marketing web sites and tools.  I realized as I thought about this post that they are not yet as simple and clear as I desire.  I am now working on that.  I know they can and must get there.  There are no shortcuts.

In our instincts, we know when we reach elegant simplicity.  Never underestimate the beauty and power in that.

Moving office day

As my business has evolved, I've invented for myself the "moving office day."  I get away from my desk and take advantage of the tremendous Swiss train system while I read, plan and write.  I wrote all of the essays for Rearchitecting this way and now use my Moving Office a day every month or so when I can.

I have suprised myself over the years as I see that some of my best ideas that I ultimately use come from my Moving Office.  Let's see about today...

I took a train to Luzern and then a steam boat to the little lakeside town of Weggis.  It was a perfect day to ride across the lake and enjoy lunch outside.  I worked on my marketing plans for Six for Yourself ^TM and read a lot in Social Media Marketing An Hour a Day by Dave Evans. 

One thing Dave says is "just get out there on the social web and do something!" (paraphrased)

I came home all fired up with my first podcast idea for my business, recorded it immediately from my desk, and uploaded it to YouTube.  Here it is! I learned that I need a better webcam for podcasts.  Yet, it is so authentic - truly spontaneous, background noise and all - I just had to blog it.  What do you think?  Am I made for the movies?

Buzz and creating meaning

I know I'm genuinely engaged in my work when it compels me to read a few books about something new I want to try.  (Mom always jokes with me that before I make any decision I read 10 books on the topic.  It's true that I'm a voracious consumer of information about concepts that are new to me - although I rarely have time for all 10 books before decision-making these days.  And I always require myself to clarify my own opinion before taking a step, not just take someone else's word for what I should do in my life.) 

At this moment, I'm fascinated with developing new perspectives about word-of-mouth marketing.  I'm reading a book titled The Anatomy of Buzz Revisited by Emanuel Rosen.  Half-way through it, I've already told our team I find it a "must read" for today's new communications channels like Facebook, blogs, and Twitter.

Rosen published this revised edition in 2008, but the original dates back to 2000.  Our changing online communications world makes the new view even more relevant than the first.  (Yet another good example of a strong concept finding its time and footing after percolating over the years!)  The point is that the point of being on line is to stir-up conversations between people - primarily offline.  Get that?

I love it because I also prescribe to the view that life in the end is lived in-person, between people who are present. That's where real influence happens, in small moments of conversations.

I might have more to say about this later.  For now, I must go.  I have a few books to read!

Human beings + work = miscommunication & misunderstanding

Several times over the last month, I've had to remind myself to take deep breaths and NOT to communicate when I'm stressed about something another person did. 

Several times during the last week, I've had to remind myself and others around me to communicate directly - and at first gently - with people involved in something that doesn't seem on the surface to be a good idea.  That we owe each other as human beings to ask the question "why" with an open mindset before accusing another person of being the problem.  It can be misunderstandings, different starting points, or bad intent.  But you never know if you don't give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Normally that being open and asking why has been one of my strengths because I sincerely believe that most people are really trying to do the right thing and feel appreciated for that.  Yet, when I'm time pressured, I forget that I must adjust my expectations about how time is best invested = to gain understanding and resolve differences before they multiply. 

In other words, I become impatient and perhaps it shows.

Darned humans - always needing an adjustment from my perfect schedule and process! Ugh!

I find that life gives us reminders just when we need them. My slow talks with friends over the holiday weekend and step back to look at what's most important in the long run helped. 

I also read this newsletter article today from Fierce Inc in the USA (I met the owner Susan Scott at a conference in 2006 and remain a huge fan). The writer emphasized curiosity as a good basis for using your instincts to resolve misunderstandings.  Nice way to end my day before dropping the office trash in the bin and strolling home across Zurich.

Communications skills. Applied.

In my business, I consider communicating for influence on three levels: individual, team/group, and culture.  Naturally in any company, each level influences the other.

I find that the most creative and challenging aspects of communicating occur at the intersections of these three levels.  For example, how do we know ourselves well enough as individuals to communicate effectively in group situations?  You need to understand your own style, strengths and goals.  You need to understand the group context and culture.  Then you must jump in and communicate something new (this last bit often being the most off-putting!).

We can study all aspects: take an assessment about different communication styles, make lists of positive team dynamics, study the effects of culture.  I focus on the connecting part - how do you link your style to a context?  How do you bring yourself to it?  Make a difference?  Change it even?  Adapt yourself?

In other words, I care most about how we practice & adjust our communication to drive change.  I love all of the assessment frameworks and models.  Read 'em. Can quote 'em.  Even have one of my own. At heart though I'm an "applied" girl.  I want to take all of those good ideas and do something with them.  Build on our learning for ourselves and others.

I mean I want us to influence ourselves and others starting with our own courageous ideas and first steps.  Afterall, if we do not learn how to take on good ideas ourselves, how can we influence someone else to do so?  :-) 

New communications approaches for our high speed global context

I'm picking up a theme lately as I scope new workshops with clients and also as our Executive Committee plans events for the Professional Women's Group:  the design should create an atmosphere that allows participants to relax and reflect on a topic and find new solutions together.

Training almost always takes people out of their normal routines. But now I'm specifically asked how our methods can help people hear their own voices and exchange ideas with others, as if it is new.  I begin to wonder if this heightened theme reflects a greater and growing challenge that we cannot or do not take time to interact in-person in such productive ways as part of our normal working lives.

That idea, of course, speaks to corporate culture.  24/7 email.  Global travel.  Myriads of Netmeetings.

I suspect that what seems new today is, at its basis, the concept of hosting in-person forums at all. In-person has been downplayed in light of today's cost-saving internet-based technologies. I believe recent interest in "hearing ourselves" reflects leaders' recognition that in-person interaction still proves critical to understanding complex topics, especially in challenging emotional times of rapid change.

What's actually new is that we must build these forums more effectively for today's context.  For people who do not know each other personally and who rarely meet together.  To establish candor quickly among "text or audio only" acquaintances and to get decisions or action plans in a few hours, not a few days.

It can be done. In-person interaction can create the feeling of relaxed informality with others while still giving enough structure to meet the business goal. We can plan in-person events selectively and productively, integrated with tech-based forums and tools to manage costs and time. (My desire to create such events and forums were my reason to start my own business.) 

I used to hate wasting time in corporate meetings and feel happy to participate in any revolution that shortens them, makes them more useful, and creates environments to which we can actually enjoy bringing ourselves to contribute. 

Week 34: practice communicating to stand in

Just in time Jill here again!  Posting week 34 just before week 35 passes in a flash!

Last week, I had a several chances to practice standing in.  You know standing in, right?  It means using your voice when you do not feel 100% happy with something someone said. And that someone has authority or, in some way, power.

This summer I (re)read a book by Howard Gardner (called Leading Minds) that suggests strong leaders like Churchill or Eleanor Roosevelt showed an early willingness to stand up to authority.

But you think twice before standing when that authority is a new client helping to pay your bills.

Then I reminded myself that most strong, productive conversations start with someone being willing to say what he or she thinks, really.   I said what I thought, trying to stick with the mutual goals and hopefully hiding my impatience or irritation at the waste of energy potentially brought on with (and by now you know this is my favorite) corporate politics. 

And today, I'm still standing.  We're still working together.  I think and feel we are better for it.  How can I tell?  We smile and joke with each other more as we go forward. A side benefit to standing I had not considered: the whole project is more fun.

Ban the corporate scowl! Throw in a little unexpected response

Have you ever noticed that most people are most compelling when they smile and talk animatedly about something so that their eyes shine brightly?

So why do we sit through hundreds of business meetings where the popular and "true serious professional" posture is a downright scowl?  I'll bet you've seen it: someone tipped back on two hind legs of a chair, arms folded (across top of stomach), looking skeptical, bored, critical.  Then comes the smart sounding question.  Head shakes ever so slightly at the response with a raised eyebrow and perhaps making a little note on a paper pad. Implying exquisitely through body language the weakness in the speaker's thinking.  After the answer is finished, sitting in silence (meaning, the speaker might have said something halfway intelligent) or shooting back a critique (no doubt prepared well before crafting the question to fit it).

What on earth do we possibly expect from these interactions?!  When you leave these meetings, do you feel compelled to action?  What action?  A drink, a jog, a shower to wash away the political, "acting like a manager" dust? (I tried all three remedies before I finally decided on a new way.)

It's a risk to participate in a meeting with enthusiasm and animation.  But that's the only way to show yourself and compel others to join in positively.  As employees, why do we accept silly, stuffy, play-acting meeting behavior?  Let's just be silly or stuffy if that is authentically us. I find it much more rewarding when I throw in a comment and another person says, "Hey, now that's something I hadn't thought of!"

Each of us owns these little interactions and interjections.  With them, we can change the entire tone of a dialogue and actions that follow.  Don't we owe it to ourselves to ensure our time is used for more than a corporate scowl?

Conversation required

I can trace my fascination with organizational communications to my childhood.  My two-years-younger, identical triplet brothers, represented 50% of our family members.  Their often-used repetoire of responses to questions about why "you did or didn't do something" included, "Well!  But you didn't tell me!" or "That's not what I heard you say!"

My brothers illustrated perhaps the most common org comms dilemma: three seemingly-similar people (be they brothers or employees) when exposed to the same words in a close, in-person environment, did not seem to get the same message from Management (aka Mom & Dad). 

Since then, the dynamics & dilemmas of how people communicate in groups intrigued me. I followed that red thread through my studies and the fairly wide range of organizations in which I've participated because I think it makes a huge difference in what people actually do.

What have I learned? I ask myself this question some 30 years later as I see that all of the same dilemmas seem to persist in our workplaces and families. I build my career and life now around these answers:

1. When you are Management, you must ensure there is a table discussion

With increasing numbers of two-career and/single parent families at home and exponentially multiplying global job scopes at work, finding the time to sit together and talk often eludes us. Management must decide that constructive interactions are the foundation upon which all future plans and steps can be architected.

2. When you are Management, you must set the table discussion agenda with care and foresight

Maybe our family could have better used our around-the-dinner-table time to talk together about expectations.  Our dinners tended to be "show and tell."  What did you do in school today? And what is your homework? And when do you need to be at band pratice tomorrow? Tactics.

What we really needed to discuss at the table were the complicated, emotional issues: Why must we share one car between four teenagers equally? Why does it make a difference to Mom (who works full time) that we all do our assigned chores without arguing.  Why certain things are important - strategy.

3. When you are Management, you must learn the skills of raising difficult issues in a way that builds positive interaction towards solutions

Let's face it ,the more close a topic comes to our emotional needs, the more difficult it is to discuss.  As both children and employees, we don't see the whole picture.  The financial stress.  The difficult choices to be made.

I doubt we would have created family Utopia, just as we will never create organizational Nirvana. But creating more common understanding based on the realities of work and life  - as discussed through Management who intends the best outcome - might bring us together in our actions more often. 

It requires conversation. 

Communicating to influence: communicate!

Fear.  I now believe this is the greatest obstacle to real communication in business.  Fear of looking stupid in front of others.  Of being fired.  Of losing a battle. Of being rejected.  Of being wrong.

If there's a consistent thread in the stories that clients tell about why they think they cannot communicate with influence, it's that they have remained silent instead of voicing their opinions and needs.

This is so common, it's a business epidemic.

So as I'm about to start a series of little posts about how to be more influential in an organization,  let's set a foundation:

If you want to communicate something, you have to actually say it.  Out loud.  Directly to the people who need to hear it.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you wanted something to change around your work?  Did you say it out loud directly to the people how neede to hear it?

If not, let's think about how to make this happen!

Week # what? Unheard conversations

I gave a speech -- facilitated a conversation really -- last week at a large corporation.  "Silent Truths: What we don't say even at the coffee machine" was the title.  We talked about what people don't talk about.  About the voices in our heads during business meetings that say to us, "Hey, isn't there something more valuable that you could do with your life than listen to that guy over there rant about how great his department is or how terrible the management is or how busy she is all the time (like she's the only person in the world who has to work for a living?)"

We talked about why we don't stand for ourselves more at work.  Why we let people waste our time instead of saying, "Can we just get back to the agenda please?"

Why we for "political reasons" just accept that we are powerless to make our work places respond to our desires for respect, being valued, doing work that matters to us.

I thought about this later; do I always say what I mean?  Are there times it does not serve the common good to do so?  Is the truth nearly always silent?

You can see tonight I have more questions than answers. But in the moment we discussed it together, the group at the large corporation and I, we all felt more energized.  More willing to try again.  More powerful in our small moments of expressing our perspectives.

And that's a good reason to give the voices in our heads a place to be heard.

Week 27: talking

Alright, I tried these weeks in review a while.  Like them.  Five great things.  Three not perfect.  A lesson learned.  Still.  To stimulate my creativity, I need a little change-up now: 

My "theme of the week."  I nearly always have one.  I write the latest question I'm pondering in my journal. Then I look for clues in my life.  Last week's theme:  men!  Don't get too excited.  I wasn't fanticizing...(I once read that 80% of the audience in any presentation are actually daydreaming about passionate encounters.)

I don't work as much with men any more.  And as a result, I miss some of the natural friendships with men that evolve by communicating so often.  In fact, I miss sometimes the challenge of needing to communicate more directly, which often seemed to be the case with men. Of course, that's just an unfounded perception on my part.  Last week, a University of Arizona study (reported here by my beloved NPR) declared that men talk as much as women.  The researchers sampled 396 students for two days to two weeks to confirm this.  Mom, as you may recall from my recent posts, spent 30-some years with 10-year-olds to come to the same conclusion. I might argue with scientific theory, but not with Mom.

In learning science, we also note that women and men tend to learn better from the diversity of perspectives in mixed gender groups.  For me, I just like being around both men and women.  That can be a surprise to hear from a 44-year-old single, who has had her share of dates with men who talked only about themselves such that any woman listening would have been fine.  ("My specific presence was not required," I sometimes have said in both real humour and exasperation.)

Then as life often does when I ponder, I talked with Mr. Ness about work and life, I met a new client contact Max for a truly enjoyable first lunch, I received e-mails from two former colleagues (Alastair and one especially good friend Jeff who has showed-up again after some years), and gained some good benchmarks from the experience of Johann.  All in five days. A little pondering can go a long way sometimes.

Real World Marketing

Sometimes I think I should share with you my exact stream-of-consciousness in running my business, now offically one year in operation.  Take today...marketing morning and client afternoon.

Marketing in my business now means:

Being ready to communicate.  Drafting program descriptions, creating printed materials, the web site and other tactical elements required to support in-person discussions.  The thing I've had to learn the most is how to make a concrete and specific training offer and how long in advance to publish it.

Finding the right communications channels.  I started with my own extended network and use a professional e-mail service to keep them informed.  That's been a good start with several hundred people, many of whom ask me (thankfully!) to keep me on their list. Because I have a genuine message I want to attach to the business and develop with it, building this community of interested people will be important. 

Staying in contact.  Here I mean my own form of "selling" -- implementing the principles of following-up persistently with "prospects" and focusing on how I might help them.  I have at least two in-person meetings a week for this purpose (and informally check this barometer in my head).  I've learned a lot from both of my previous employers about how important it is to be solid in the fundamentals.  What I try add in my own voice is a real conversation about communicating as leaders and being authentic as professionals...the conversations create the emotion and the new ideas.  This part is sometimes the most fun and often takes the most energy.

It seems we've made a good start on all of this in a way that has navigated around my old perfectionist sensibilities.  On the marketing I say, "OK, it's 80% right, let's get it out there and learn something."  Fortunately, I'm too busy to think about it too much.  But I'm always aware it is just a start.  The next challenge will be to create a few activities that reach even further beyond those who know me today. And all of this happens between doing client work, of course. Allocating the right amount of time to both can be quite a challenge.

But meanwhile, I have a lunch appointment and must run to be "just-in-time jill."  Some things never change... 

Dealing with bosses who yell

I've been thinking lately about executive leaders who are "rumored" to raise their voices often with other employees.  And I've heard a few in my time shout in anger or frustration...though never at me directly.

I'm not sure what's worse about these occasions -- the fearful stories that circulate in the hallways or dealing with the anticipation that someone might get angry, out-of-control.  Or actually experiencing the anger.

Only twice did a business person yell at me.  The first was a customer. I was 20-something.  He was known for shouting.  I managed to stutter out that I was sorry he was angry and would like to find a solution, but only when he was ready to talk with me reasonably -- he could call me back at that time.  Then I hung-up on him.  As I sat wondering how much trouble I had now caused for myself and if he would escalate it to my boss, he called me back in a normal tone of voice.  All was fine from there. I never forgot that early lesson to calmly stand my ground.

So why do we allow others to shout at us at work?  Ghandi or someone great and spiritual would probably just let the guy rant and rave, wait until he fizzled out.  And then say what he had to say.

My second experience and only actual shouting match came almost 15 years later -- with a peer in a management role. The stakes were higher.  I was so frustrated with what seemed to me like stubborn refusal to consider new ideas (and being undermined and thinking it was really about him wanting my job and not the business itself, etc.).  When he raised his voice, I matched it.  Finally, though, I just walked away disgusted and said I couldn't waste my time on this.  I don't remember if he ever came back in a more normal tone.  I do remember that I was most disgusted with myself for having stopped acting like a mature adult.  And I never did it again, no matter how angry.

The main standard of respectful action I can control is my own.  That's the one I have to live with as I stand my ground.  That's the only answer I have for yelling.

Example Blog for Finding Your Voice

The example blog that got me started -- and my blog-mentor Helen -- can be found via LiveJournal:  Nice Cup of Tea demonstrates one woman's way of finding her Voice, which I much-admire.

It could be a great tool for creating a support group when you are trying to make a change because it creates a network of more intimate readers and makes it easy to give a cheer or a quick comment.

I looked at LiveJournal when considering my blog hosting service.  LiveJournal makes it easy and interesting in a daily diary-like style (which is what a lot of blogs are for).  I finally chose Typepad, which has also business blogs, because I was not primarily looking for a journal tool.  Helen's approach to her blog gives an excellent example of how to make  an on-line journal work in a way that is personal and real, but refrains from becoming The Diary of Bridget Jones. 

Using a Journal to Find Your Voice

In my book ReArchitecting, I refer to the example of a journal as a tool for exploring your perspectives and your voice. I am often asked what is the point of keeping a journal and how to do it.  It seems that many people find the idea unappealing – perhaps they don’t like to write or think it will be a burden to keep it up.

      

I will share here why I think a journal can be valuable as a tool to find your voice, plus suggest ideas to help make journaling fit your style more easily. There is no right way to keep a journal.  Any approach that works for you is a good one.  My way of journaling has evolved through trial and error, as I journaled in some way since I was a child.  Your way will evolve, as well.  Trust it.

A Purpose for Journaling

My journal helps me find and clarify my voice.  It serves as a place to gather my thoughts and as a tool to sort through them to identify what is meaningful to me.  I find my voice through a journal through two steps:

1.     I create a holding place for my ideas and emotions by capturing them as I have the time or feel a need to express thoughts or experiences every few days or weeks. 

2.     My journal becomes a tool to create my voice when I read back through it and highlight the ideas and phrases that strike me as most meaningful.  Then I can see the themes and trends.  It’s that accumulation of my most meaningful thoughts that builds the momentum to shape my actions.  And so, I find my voice.

    

Starting and Keeping Your Journal

If you haven’t tried using a journal, it can at first seem a bit mysterious and difficult to get started.  Perhaps these specific suggestions will help:

Make it easy and open 

Think of a journal as a flow of your ideas which do not need to be connected.  I consider a journal different than a diary in which a person might record the details of every day as my grandfather did faithfully each morning of his retirement.  I keep my journal hand-written in a flat notebook that I can easily carry with me. My journaling instrument of choice is a pen.  When I feel like it, I take out my journal and write a few notes or a paragraph or more.  I might be at home, in a coffee shop, sitting at my desk in the office, or on an airplane.  I might spend 5 minutes with it. I rarely spend more than 30 minutes at once.
 

When you see that first blank, white, empty page in front of you, it often helps to get started by writing something easy as a warm-up.  I usually note the date, the time, where I am and a sentence or two about what I see around me.  Then I move on and ask myself a question such as “what has been on my mind today or lately?”  And I answer the question in free-flow form with whatever comes to my pen.  Whether three sentences or three pages later, when I feel little more to say, I simply stop.

       

Perhaps promise yourself to write once a week on Fridays.  Or some people recommend writing something every day for a while; I never could keep quite that regular a schedule.  My ideas come when they feel like it!  I usually write something about three times a week, but I still have weeks during which I do not write anything at all.  No worries.  I just keep the journal handy and pick it up when I am ready.

What should I put in my journal? 

Journals require no rules.  They take on their own lives and characters over time.  You can always write in them.  I sometimes draw little (absolutely unartistic) sketches to remind myself of an idea or something I saw.  You might clip pictures from magazines that strike you as relevant to things you’ve been thinking – even if you don’t at the moment know why it strikes you that way. Sometimes I record a quote I like (and note the source in case I want to use it later).  Occasionally, I’ve been in a period of venting emotions.  Sometimes I make lists of things I’ve learned.

       

Most of the time, I simply try to notice what has been on my mind.

      

Whatever feels right to you will work.  I’ve seen excellent web sites built for journaling.  It remains my own style to keep my journal in a form that I feel is intimate – via pen and paper – and always quick to access.

       

I take very little care about my hand writing form or accuracy from day-to-day.  Sometimes my writing appears neat and orderly.  Sometimes, I’ve scribbled so fast it is difficult even for me to read.  Once or twice, I’ve simply scrawled a frustrated word or two on one page with a trail of exclamation points!!!!!!!  Seeing your penmanship in hindsight can prove very interesting.   One friend who receives a letter from her father every week says that sometimes his handwriting tells her more about how his life is going than the words themselves.

Then what? 

Let’s say that you’ve kept your journal for a month or two.   What might you do now?  Just stack them on a shelf?  No!  Now is the time to turn your journal into a tool to find your voice.  Reflect and highlight.  About every month, I go back through the last pages with a highlighter pen and emphasize the ideas, thoughts or phrases that strike me as particularly relevant and clear in a way that matters to me.  This is not to say that the writing is good or intended for others to read.  The purpose is to note those thoughts that are meaningful in your view for your own reasons.

       

And then, I step back even further and simply read through a few months of highlights.  How did my thoughts and feelings evolve over time?  What has changed?  What has not changed?  Often, I note any conclusions or observations in my next journal entry.  Sometimes I also find it interesting to look at my day “about one month ago” when I finish a current journal entry. Just for fun.

      

I only occasionally go back to read previous years.  My typical journal notebook fills in three months; so, my reflection look-back period is about 6 months as the new and old notebooks are both fairly handy to find. I will sometimes look quickly over a year of journals as I consider a new year of goals or to compare what I was thinking and feeling at a specific point in time that is on my mind.  But that’s not a discipline; it is an instinct to compare situations from a distance once in a while.

Your Journal; Your Friend

As I expressed in ReArchitecting, a journal can become a tool and a friend to help you step back and see the key points that matter to you from above a fog of activity and emotion.  Your way of journaling should fit who you are.  And over time you can trust yourself to draw helpful conclusions from it in your own way.

 

I find it rewarding when – once in a while – a thought in my journal comes through my lips in discussion.  Then I know I am speaking from the perspective of someone who knows me very well:
 

With my own, meaningful voice.